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Creating a Dating Profile

09/14/2012

Hello, and welcome to my very first blog! The whole point behind this blog that I’m writing is that I’m a know-it-all with a lot of friends who come to me for advice. What got this bee in my bonnett was that a friend of mine and his girlfriend broke up just a couple of weeks ago, and they are both already back on dating websites after a 1 1/2 year relationship. No, I’m not too comfortable with that, although the girl is only on there to help her friend create a profile. The guy actually wants to date, though, so he asked my boyfriend and me to take a look at his profile and tell him what we thought.

I had never been on a dating website before, so I created a profile so I could look at his OK Cupid profile. I realize that the questions on the profile are hard to answer, but my friend made a lot of very basic mistakes. Then I started looking around the website a little, and I realized that a lot of the profiles were like my friend’s: fake. Seriously, how do you promote yourself without looking like either a big-headed jerk or a creep? Good thing I’m working on my MBA in Marketing, eh?

Answer is: treat yourself as if you are Pepsi and craft your message. You don’t want to be too lofty – seriously, how often do you really think about the world and what you can do to improve it? You also don’t want to be so close to the gutter you stink – I’m probably not going to contact you if you sound like a teenager on a little blue pill.

The first thing you need to decide when you go on any dating website is what kind of a person you want to attract. Then, you need to look at the little details throughout your profile so that you don’t scare that person away. Your profile is one-stop shopping for people to see what you’re like before they decide to contact you. They won’t pick you up for a closer look unless they see something on your profile that they like.

For example, I am a relationship kind of girl, I am intelligent, and bad grammar irritates the crap out of me. I mess up every now and again, but for the most part I get all my words in the right order and I use the phrase “have to” instead of “gotta.” If you are well educated and want to attract an intelligent person to you, then use the good grammar.

Now, answering questions is hard. When you have to write about yourself it’s almost like you have a trick question on a test and if you don’t get it right you won’t be able to get the person of your dreams to see you. It’s not that serious! Just be yourself. For example, what I told my friend to put in his “the first things you’ll notice about me” section was, “My sarcastic wit, my quirky and different personality, my alternative frame of reference, and my high forehead (lets be honest).” It’s important to show your true personality and sense of humor while still spinning things in a positive light. This statement tells the other person that my friend has a sense of humor and is a little off the wall. That way when they meet him, the awkwardness and his idiosyncrasies won’t bother them too much.

It’s fine to have a sense of humor, but please don’t go too far with it. You should never say “You should message me if… you have a pulse,” like my friend did. By doing this, you will attract werewolves. Or faeries. Or elves. Basically, you just discounted zombies and vampires, and completely missed an opportunity to describe exactly what kind of person you are looking for. Instead, you should say something more like “You should message me if… you are a strong woman with a mind of her own. I appreciate people who can think for themselves and have an air of independence. I also hope you enjoy classic rock because you’ll have to put up with my AC/DC addiction.”

And, finally, please don’t just put lists! When you are asked to list your favorite movies or music, it doesn’t hurt to add a couple – just a couple – words to say why you like it. “My favorite TV show is Leverage because I enjoy the long cons and the unique character interactions” is much more insightful and informative than “Blues Brothers Rocks!” (and by the way, Blues Brothers rocks! Good music, John Belushi, and it started out on Saturday Night Live in 1975!).

And finally, be honest. It is okay to not announce that you have aspergers or ADHD, but you should be careful with your wording so that people don’t get the totally wrong idea. My friend has aspergers, which makes him very socially awkward and it is difficult for him to pick up on social cues. That’s why he is quirky and has an alternative phrame of reference. Once the girl meets him things will probably click into place and there is a strong possibility he can be rejected, but at least it won’t be a total shock when things have a rocky start.

I realize that the world is a big scary place and dating is super-hard. Representing yourself honestly is much more likely to attract the people who will honestly like you, and I hope you can find the person who you will like. Happy hunting everyone!

~Theresa

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From → Romance

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